12. Homecoming

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Word Count: 514
Tom is on a date with his wife but his mind was somewhere else.
"Are you even paying attention?"
Tom is imagining flying above the clouds as he stares off into the distance. He loves his wife but his true love is in the skies. She snaps her fingers in front of his face as her patience wears thin.
"Can you pay attention to me for even one minute? What's the point of all this if you're just going to ignore me?"
Tom feels guilty as he knew she called this dinner because their relationship was falling apart. He has been distant for some time now, both physically and mentally, as he spends most of his time in the skies away from his wife.
"I'm sorry. It's been a busy week and I'm just a little tired from all the flights."
The truth is he feels the most alive and free when he's flying but doesn't have the heart to tell her. He's been keeping this a secret ever since he got his pilot license, but he's been taking longer and longer flights recently and realizes he must make a choice.
"That's the thing, if you're tired from all the flights why do you insist on piloting these long flights to the other side of the world?"
She is visibly flustered and just wants answers but it seems like there is no getting through to Tom. Jane had gone through the possibilities before this dinner but couldn't find a reasonable explanation. Money isn't an issue because Jane just got a promotion at her work and they were living pretty comfortably when Tom is home. Her friends suspected that Tom might feel emasculated for making substantially less than Jane but Jane knew he wasn't that type of person.
Tom is silent as he prepares his response. He thinks about the times he's had with his wife; their first date and their wedding ceremony. Their future together had looked bright at one point too. They had big plans for a new house and maybe even children but those fell through. His mind wanders as he starts thinking about flying again. He imagines increasing the throttle of his 787 Dreamliner as the Rolls-Royce Engine roars to life. He feels the increasing acceleration as the plane takes off and the incredible view of a bustling city from the point of view of a bird. He sees the view disappear as the plane ascends into the clouds and the endless ocean of white at cruising altitude. Tom suddenly snaps out of it as Jane gets up from the table throwing her napkin onto the table.
"What was the point of this? There's no getting through to you anymore."

She storms off leaving the restaurant as Tom sit in silence. After a few minutes he gets up, pays the bill and drives off. The realization that he wasn't so hurt that she left gave Tom a new sense of freedom. He arrives at the airport and prepares for his next 13 hour flight to the other side of the world.
x

Comments

  1. AimeeFebruary 15, 2018 at 10:53 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. AimeeFebruary 15, 2018 at 10:54 AM

    Dear Sam,

    Where are you in this story? In other words, where do you relate to either Tom or Jane? The reasons I ask is that you've got a story here, but you've only scratched the very surface level. All you need to do is give us one vivid scene--something that we can relate to beyond "this happened, then this happened, then this..." A scene that describes Tom and Jane's first date in detail would help us better to relate to Tom/Jane. Your job as a writer is to render something authentic so that the reader is engrossed and interested. The only way to really do that is to be engrossed and interested yourself, and to give us as many of the details as you can. Here is a lovely sentence: "He feels the increasing acceleration as the plane takes off and the incredible view of a bustling city from the point of view of a bird." I want all of them to be like that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 15, 2018 at 6:20 PM

    Dear Sam,

    I enjoyed reading your story but I do wish there were elements that were more surprising or intriguing. It was unique in that his love for airplanes was so much greater than the love for his wife but I do wish there was a shocking detail in the mix. There were strong sentences and his feelings about the relationships with planes was vivid. Maybe if there was a background story as to why he preferred the plane over her or if there was a comparison of the two but it was hard to find that connection. Although, it was a unique story and I enjoyed reading it!

    ReplyDelete

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