Podcast First Script
*Diner music*
Scene opens.
Jingling of a door, dishes, diner chatter, and bell sounds throughout scene
Kemper
Gimme 2 eggs sunny side up, on toast. A hashbrown. Hmmm.and 2 pancakes, with butter and syrup on the side. I think that’s it. Wait! Can I get your number too-
Bill
“-Hello--don’t give him your number, he’s really not worth your time-”
Kemper
“What the hell? What are you doing here?”
Bill
“Can I sit down?”
Kemper
“Why are you here? No. No you can’tsit down”
*clothing ruffles, chair movements”
“Stop, stop. Get up. Get out. Leave me alone”
Bill
“I just want to ask you a couple of questions. I’ll leave after.”
Kemper
“Woah there shortstack, I’ve served my time. Haven’t done anything since. Else I wouldn’t be able to sit at this diner. Or see that waitress…. Anyway, I’m not under arrest, I don’t have to answer nothing”
Bill
“If you haven't done anything you wouldn't mind answering my questions then would you?"
Kemper (he could just shift in his chair and not answer. He gets fidgety, maybe his leg shakes)
Bill opens a notepad and starts
"Alright we'll get started then. Where were you on the night of the 5th?"
Kemper
“Look, the only thing you’ll get out of me on the fifth is me pleading the fifth”
Bill scribbles on his notepad
Bill, without pausing
"Do you know of a miss “Sally Thompson”, by any chance?
Footsteps approach as Ed sits in silence. The waitress interrupts asking if Bill would like to order anything.
Bill to the waitress for Ed:
"We're okay here… Sally Thompson, ring a bell?"
She steps away
Kemper:
"I know how this works, I've been through this before. I don’t have to say anything"
Bill:
“Kemper, I’m sure you’ve heard the news and I know you were friends with this woman. I just want to help her mourning family."
His leg stops shaking abruptly
Kemper:
"Why do you suspect me, I haven't talked to her in years."
Bill:
"I wouldn’t go as far and say i suspect you, I just think you might have important information that could help us out"
Kemper:
"I'm not dealing with this right now. Waitress, get me a box to go please."
Kemper makes a gesture towards the waitress.
Bill:
“I know you and Sally have a history. The people back at the station think something is up when a recently murdered lady has dated someone with a past like yours.”
Kemper:
“Listen here detective, as much as I would like to help you I don't know anything. Sally was a girl that that had enemies and she knew half the shit she was getting herself into…”
Takes box from waitress. Begins putting his food inside.
“The reason I broke up with her has nothing to do with what I did seven years ago. Her death was as shocking to me as it was to her family. I can’t help you past this.”
Bill:
“I know she cheated on you.”
Kemper, freezes:
“I know she cheated on you.”
Kemper, freezes:
“I’m done here.”
Kemper picks up his take out box and leaves the diner, the diner doors are heard opening and closing.
Scene ends (noise to signify a change in scene)
Scene in the police station where Bill is investigating a no leads murder. Phones ringing in the background and more chatter
Louder Phone rings as Bill gets a call
Bill:
"Any updates on forensics?"
Person on Phone:
"No but we tracked her phone calls and found that she received a phone call around the estimated time of death."
Bill:
"That's pretty strange, do we have a phone number?"
Phone:
"No, it was probably a prepaid phone"
Bill:
"Damn another dead end. Thanks"
Sound of hanging up the phone. Bill looks through the crime scene photos and the voice switches to being in his head. He notices the flip phone was open at the crime scene. Bill devises a plan and invites Kemper into the interrogation room.
In this next scene Bill will get the cell phone to ring while Kemper is in the room and pretends to check his phone and asks Kemper if it's his. Kemper says it's Sally's phone and this sets in motion proving Kemper's guilt (incomplete).
You did a good job in describing Kempers attitude and his movements while he was be interrogated at the diner. It really gives off the vibe that he was the one who committed the crime. I'm interested in seeing how Kempers guilt will be proven.
ReplyDeleteThe wording in the dialogue of Bill and Kemper flowed well. There was suspense created through the interrogation and keeps the reader wanting to know what's gonna happen.
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue in this is great, it feels very real. The spontaneity and suspense in the entire situation is felt through Kemper's words and actions, and the association he has to Bill is well-portrayed in their conversation. The suspense built makes the reader want to know what happens to Kemper and whether or not he's guilty.
ReplyDeleteThe conversation feels natural, but the first line when he's ordering and asking for a number. I don't really think people order breakfast and ask for people's numbers like that, so I'm not sure that needs to be there. But I definitely think you are getting somewhere with the script, I'm interested to see how it will play out.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so you've got an interesting situation here, but there are moments in the podcast that you're not going to be able to "show" through sound--such as Bill's thought processes. This is a podcast that I think could work more succinctly if you allow Bill to tell the story--remember how some of the podcasts had voice over narration? Think about if you started with Bill's voice: "it was a case that seemed to have a dead end. I interviewed our prime suspect, the boyfriend of course, and he denied it all." (Scene in the dinner). You can use Bill's direct address to allow the reader to understand what's going on. The other bigger issue here is how to cover murder case in 5 to 7 minutes. It's a lot to ask of yourselves. One thing you can do is to again go back to Bill's voice and make it a specific case-"-the one who got a way, the wrong number, the weirdest case I ever had..." Then, you might be able to take this on.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a very interesting start. The dialogue in the beginning where Kemper automatically orders and asks for the waitresses number seems a little unnatural. However, I think you do a good job making him seem suspicious if that's what you're going for. I think it seems a little stereotypical that Kemper got cheated on by the girl who was murdered and is the prime suspect for the murder. Maybe there could be a slight twist where all facts point to Kemper but the killer ended up being the person she cheated with because he was obsessed with her? Good start.
ReplyDelete